''More predictions''

By Lance Broughton
YellowTimes.org Columnist (New Zealand)

(YellowTimes.org) – You can bet your pension that the forthcoming inquiries into why nobody could find Saddam’s weapons of mass destruction will be painted whiter than white. First Bush, then Blair and now Australia’s Howard have announced top-level investigations that will cost millions. Like the Hutton report that found the establishment innocent, the politicians will naturally feel justified in having using their own WMDs against a defenseless nation. All those responsible will be publicly vindicated and asked to appear on the Stars in their Eyes TV program imitating Joseph Stalin.

There are a number of obvious steps that are always taken whenever constructive criticism threatens world leaders. The same defense/aggressive tactics have been used for thousands of years. Fists will be thumped and tables kicked to ensure the people are distracted. Then they appear on TV and pass the buck by saying they were given false information by intelligence agencies. Putting on a sick grin, they explain that they acted in good faith by illegally ordering a pre-emptive strike against the enemy because his eyes were too close together. They point out that he had previously used WMDs supplied by them to kill his own people. This obviously makes him a villainous despot. After invading his country and killing thousands of innocent civilians, they say it was only to save his people from a fate worse than death. They use that ambiguous "democracy" word for dramatic effect and they keep their eyes wide to depict total honesty.

They will have, of course, taken acting lessons from Governor Arnie. They will have total recall of all events that back their position but conveniently fail to mention the ones that don’t. Reality is a no-no. Automatically, they will rubbish all opposition as uninformed and state that the only reason why they have thousands of people in jail is to protect the people from terrorism. The reason why the alleged terrorists haven’t been charged or allowed legal representation is because they’ve got moustaches, look suspicious and are bound to be guilty of something. They quickly allocate another ten billion of taxpayer funding so even more agencies can spy on the citizens that are intelligent enough to disagree with the official line. Invariably, they invent more unknown dangers to keep the general public scared stiff and thus under control. After all, world domination is a noble objective. Herr Hitler had it all down to a fine art but was on the wrong side.

When it comes to the actual inquiry, there are a number of long established precedents to follow. First, they make sure the committee members are not too well known and depend on the establishment for a living. Then they make sure the terms of reference disallow any form of blame to be pointed at government. Reality is again a no-no. Naturally, there will be an establishment figure to preside over the hearings. This is essential as they don’t want someone who thinks for himself or understands honesty and decency. The entire object of the inquiry is to blame somebody who is preferably dead and whose relatives don’t have the funds with which to argue.

Naturally, they and all government employees will come up smelling of roses. To reinforce the stench, they station tanks and troops at airports to show the people they are protecting them from terrorism and, lest we forget, an evil axis of unknown villains. They smile broadly and cite that emotive "democracy" word repeatedly to stir the patriotic breasts of a nation effectively under martial law.

Appealing to old soldiers is always a good idea. Rule Britannia, God Bless America and Waltzing Matilda always works. To top it all off, they show some old newsreels of victorious troops coming home to an ecstatic welcome after WW2.

Guess what. They’ve won. They’re not in politics to lose. But don’t bet on it, Herr President/Prime Minister. Your days in political power, like the Days of our Lives, are only soap operas. Upset your sponsors and you’re off the air.

[Lance Broughton is well traveled and has been drunk in every major city in the world. Six feet two standing up, he's a little shorter sitting down. He writes his articles and novels in a $50 trailer (caravan) in the backyard and drinks wine for a hobby as he believes 100 percent of sober people die in pain. He spent many years managing hotels and taverns all around New Zealand and learned a lot about human nature. He also maintains his own website http://www.lbrought.com and posts articles about everything that annoys him. He is thoroughly hated locally because he has the unenviable knack of stating the obvious, when perhaps silence would be golden. He lives in Upper Hutt, about twenty-five miles north of Wellington because no other town will put up with him. He's the world's most unsuccessful womanizer and has 106 grandchildren to prove his innocence.]

Lance Broughton encourages your comments: lbroughton@YellowTimes.org