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''A tit is just a tit'' By Emily Reinhardt (YellowTimes.org) – Last Sunday, between commercials selling erection-enhancing medication, beer, horse farts and other glories of capitalism, a tit was shown. Between Vaseline-smeared, sparkling cheerleaders, orgies of celebrity and a game brutally violent, sadomasochistic and testosterone-laden, a bare black breast managed to sneak out from a bustier. And it is the scandal of January. “Indecent!” The moral tongues wag. “Shocking!” Grandmothers across
America cry. “Classless, crass and deplorable!” The head of the FCC, Michael
Powell, declares. The perps, Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake, CBS, Viacom,
MTV and the NFL, all stand to be fined millions of dollars for a nipple. And
no doubt America’s children will be scarred for, oh, about five minutes over
this. The JJT (Janet Jackson’s Tit) investigation, promising to cost our tax dollars, is actually an open and shut case. I’ve seen the videotape. Timberlake’s hand goes to the clothed offender. He cups, he holds and then he rips. And very quickly, she covers. No fourth shot from the grassy knoll. No cake baked in the shape of a key. The best thing about the many, many, many replays of this tender, American boob on TV is that the song they were singing is muted. If it weren't, I’m sure many, including myself, would call for a WAMTS investigation (Why American Music Today Sucks.) As stated above, the half-time snafu is being replayed, to the delight of grandmothers everywhere, at least five times every ten seconds. I've seen more of Janet Jackson's mammary than I have of my own in the past few days, proof of the pudding that America isn't actually offended. It is mock offended. It's faking. It's lying. How can we be offended by a private part of which half our population has not one, but two? Have we not all seen a breast? A nipple? As a culture, we've been inching closer and closer to this moment of boob liberation ever since we made men citizens. And didn't the boys really get what they wanted this Superbowl? Not only well-padded men throwing a pig's skin around and thrashing each other, not only the golden nectar bottled in Milwaukee, but, finally, titties. One tittie. For all of two seconds. The cheerleaders, a vacuous bunch to be sure, can show it all the way to the panties. Who cares if you don't see their nipples; the effect is still the same. If the "offense" of the breast is sexual, the cheerleaders are much more offensive than Miss Jackson. Her breast was not a turn-on. If it was a clothing malfunction, I'm sure many "shocked" women, deep in their hearts, can understand. We've all dived into the deep end of the pool, came up, and found one hanging out of the suit. Feel sorry for Janet: most of us don't have that moment in front of hundreds of millions of people. Miss Jackson is "nasty" but no one says a word about Timberlake. Remember, Jackson didn't expose herself by herself; she had an accomplice. It was Timberlake who actually did the dirty deed of showing Janet's goods to the world. Timberlake has had a stellar career of tasteless escapades, from being a part of that late nineties abomination, boy-bands, to being the ex of a certain pop tart who usually makes her elders like Jackson look demure. Timberlake, Spears and that Christina woman are the most sexual Mousketeers to come out of Minnie's who-ha. Walt is turning over in his cryogenic chamber. This little white boy exposed a member of one of the most powerful and bizarre African-American entertainment dynasties. To speak of the racial aspect of Boobgate is more taboo than to speak of the sexual, but it is a pathetic irony that the interracial duet ended with a long-standing tradition of American racial relations: a black woman being molested by a white man. Strom Thurmond and Thomas Jefferson are giving thumbs-up from their graves. Speaking of the Jackson clan, maybe it was out of family loyalty that Janet pulled this stunt. It removed her brother's woes from the front page, at least for a nanosecond. But Michael Jackson should be getting more attention that one meandering breast. Indeed, if he showed more interest in breasts, perhaps he wouldn't have the problems he is facing. But whatever the reason, purpose or plan of the incident, it's still not shocking. I'm far more shocked by Michael Powell's father (that would be Colin) and his cronies than I am about a lost breast and its lost owner. America, of course, is a confused Puritan nation when it comes to sexuality, as many have pointed out. It has its priorities for what it finds shocking confused, too. We should pay attention to the real shocks in our culture: war, economic hardship, disunity and the boobs who have lead us to it. [Emily Reinhardt lives in New York City.] Emily Reinhardt encourages your comments: groucho800@yahoo.com
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