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By Lance Broughton
(YellowTimes.org) – In the international struggle for financial supremacy,
Godzone (New Zealand) is largely ignored by those who rule the world. They
think we're a tiny, insignificant country snoozing in
the sun of South Pacific complacency.
But Godzone has
flourished dramatically in recent years. On the 24th April 2003, we finally
reached a massive four million inhabitants. Being a dyed in the wool Kiwi,
I've done my bit by having a number of wives and many children. I always
returned the wives afterwards, so kids were my main contribution.
Now that Godzone has a population advantage, we're ready to take over the
world by storm. For a coalition partner, we've persuaded nearby Norfolk
Island (pop.
1300) to assist. This means our combined military will be invincible. We
will bomb and invade any country we find suitable and will make sure that
our corporations organize the rebuilding and profit immensely from
liberating their natural resources from tyranny.
Make no mistake. Godzone has the qualifications to achieve world domination. We started learning aggression in the 1970s by privatizing the Bank of New Zealand, NZ Railways, Air New Zealand, the Post Office's telephones, the Electricity Department and many other publicly owned assets.
This was the beginning of the multinational corporatization of Godzone. "It's the only way to go," screamed the business gurus. "The world's a global market and we've got to be competitive." Business schools sprang up overnight and suburban accountants found themselves dictating to the business leaders who managed to avoid jail. The accountants' numbers game was the only thing that mattered. It worked well and the thousands of people who found themselves unemployed were written off as collateral damage. The sole talking point was "profit."
Inexperience and incompetence ruled and the Bank of New Zealand went bust in the late eighties; the government had to step in. Australian interests now own the once proud flagship.
NZ Railways was sold to Tranz Rail, an offshore corporation. Many mistakes were made: tracks buckled on hot days and a number of derailments occurred. This had never happened when trains were publicly owned and we were assured that global warming was at fault, not the lack of investment or maintenance. Tranz Rail is now on its knees with a poor credit rating, desperate to sell assets and likely to be bought back by the government when their share price drops to next to nothing.
Air New Zealand was one of the world's smallest international airlines. It was profitable and, like Mussolini's trains, arrived on time. Then it was sold for profit. The money-obsessed new owners decided to spread their wings and purchased Australia's domestic airline, Ansett, to earn even more money. It didn't take long for Ansett to go broke and the NZ government had to invest nearly a billion dollars to keep Air NZ aloft. Recently, an attempt to join with Australia's Qantas was officially scuppered because of the potential lack of competition on the Tasman route. Potentially profitable airlines are apparently undemocratic if privately owned. Like most international airlines, 9-11 and its aftermath has taken its toll on Air NZ and its future is cloudy. Sadly, aspirins won't cure greed.
The Electricity Department was split up into generators, line operators, and local providers and then sold off. Since the much-promoted cost reducing corporatization, the cost of lighting one's home has increased twenty-fold. There are many suppliers of the various services and they're forever selling out to each other. Today, I wouldn't have a clue who supplies my electricity, or whose power lines I utilize, or even who creates the sparks. But today, Godzone has an electricity shortage. Power cuts are threatened because the experts were busy profiteering and didn't think about either the natural usage increase or the dwindling hydro and natural gas resources.
The NZ Post Office sold their telephone business to a U.S. company. Prices have multiplied and modern technology has provided the only benefit to consumers. There are a number of private companies trying to bribe consumers to swap companies.
There's no doubt about it. Our success in corporatizing Godzone to international standards will earn us undoubted supremacy in the corporate world. However, to pay our ever-increasing debts, we need to invade an asset rich country and destroy their economy to enable us to sustain ours. Naturally, military invasion is a business and collateral damage is unavoidable. With our record of success, we can't possibly lose. Just think of the potential profits.
[Lance Broughton is well traveled and has been drunk in every major city in the world. Six feet two standing up, he's a little shorter sitting down. He writes his articles and novels in a $50 trailer (caravan) in the backyard and drinks wine for a hobby as he believes 100 percent of sober people die in pain. He spent many years managing hotels and taverns all around New Zealand and learned a lot about human nature. He also maintains his own website http://www.lbrought.com and posts articles about everything that annoys him. He is thoroughly hated locally because he has the unenviable knack of stating the obvious, when perhaps silence would be golden. He lives in Upper Hutt, about twenty-five miles north of Wellington because no other town will put up with him. He's the world's most unsuccessful womanizer and has 106 grandchildren to prove his innocence.]
Lance Broughton encourages your comments: lbroughton@YellowTimes.org