A DIFFERENT ROAD TO DAMASCUS

by Lisa Walsh Thomas

Thank goodness OGL (Our Great Leader) is taking the time to explain it all to those of us who have trouble keeping numbers in our heads when we put on a new bonnet.

I've been saying for months, "Iraq, and then Iran, and Syria next." This despite those pesky nanny-nanny-boo-hoo North Koreans. Now it's the talk

of the town - We liberate Syria next, and it's because OGL has figured out where the invisible WMD have gone.

Whew! For a day or so, I was afraid our soldiers would have to go kill a few thousand Syrian kids just because their UN ambassador had faced off against Negroponte, making the entire UN matter a pain in the

neck, an embarrassment to OGL, who doesn't like to be questioned. But no, it's because they have "evidence" and "know" that's where the WMD that thousands of innocent Iraqis had to be killed for have gone.

So it's back to the battle between good and evil. I wouldn't have wanted to believe that the U.S. was simply following its pattern of not messing with any serious enemies since Vietnam (but they cut right out of THAT syndrome a few years later by attacking the Caribbean Island of Grenada). Iran might be a bit serious. A big battle there might result in more than

one U.S. death to 2,000 "enemy" deaths. Syria's probably a piece of cake.

And oh how downright PETTY all those Mideast countries are, trying to make OGL look like a fool for being so sure WMD were in Iraq. I mean, you gotta almost feel sorry for the boy. What did HE know? He's still looking for Osama and the Anthrax guy. He rang up God about it on the red phone but must have dialed a wrong number. I suspect a Frenchman answered the phone and deliberately misinformed him.

So it's the SYRIANS who have the WMD. Well, I say let's go kick some Syrian ass, show them what we're so good at doing to countries that haven't learned the right tone for "yas-sir." "Cross Uncle Sam, and

you'll wish you'd never called yourself a nation, because WE will get your kids. And our bombs are a helluva lot bigger than your stones."

Of course, Syria might sneak the WMD into Iran and then, well, we have no choice but to go "liberate" the Iranians. And let's face it. Those WMD are eventually going to be hidden in the big jewel, Saudi Arabia. After all, they have more oil than Iraq does, and those non-monarch everyday people would like to put a stick in our ear. If you ask me, it was Old Europe

(and maybe Canada) who plotted the entire thing, with a little help from the communist protester-traitors over here who dare to question Wolf Blitzer and won't follow orders. I say, Let's send the Oakland storm troopers after that bunch.

By the time it's all over, maybe those AY-rabs will see the light - will acquiesce to western enlightenment, build Burger Kings, and get rid of that

silly Islamic god so they can start to worship OGL's god in a proper church.

Heil, pick-'em-off-one-by-one God of America.

Lisa Walsh Thomas

* * * * *

Lisa Walsh Thomas, a former teacher and arts

columnist, is now a full-time activist, writing essays

and political poetry for numerous online liberal

journals. Her book of essays, "The Girl With Yellow

Flowers in Her Hair" will be available through

Pitchfork Publications by summer. Lisa can be reached

at saavedra1979@yahoo.com